Discover Your Inner Equine
Horse Illustrated Magazine
May 2004
Some of the best lessons in human nature come from an unlikely source - the horse.
You would think that by now horses have helped us enough - transportation, entertainment, sport and even labor at times. But, perhaps their most important occupation is the one they do most naturally. Our equine friends have a profound ability to act as therapists and teach us about who we are.
The lessons may vary, but qualities inherent in the horse somehow naturally lend themselves to facilitating human growth. Many say horses share attributes associated with effective teachers, therapists and spiritual leaders. Interestingly, it doesn’t seem to matter that horses are not of our species and do not speak our language. When it comes to the task of getting to know ourselves better, there’s something about the horse that just, well, works.
Mirror, Mirror in That Stall….
A mirror reflects and reveals - unless it is flawed, it shows exactly what is there. We could argue that horses are much less flawed than we are since they don’t lie, manipulate or have hidden agendas.
They relate to us in direct response to how we approach them. And if we keep on approaching them in the same way, they keep responding with the same information. This is the mark of a clever and patient teacher - the ability to stand back and show us what patterns appear in our behavior.
Sure, people can do this for us at times, but we do possess certain imperfections. We have hidden motivations, ways of behaving that may muck up our ability to communicate what we want others to know most. This is why it is impressed upon most therapists that they recognize and take care of their own issues before endeavoring to assist others.
My last horse was an effective mirror. Carleton was a big Thoroughbred with a less-than “forward” attitude. He was a bit hard to motivate, and I complained about this regularly until my new trainer pointed something out to me. He asked me to consider if I was contributing to the way Carleton behaved, if maybe there were similarities in our behavior. “No way!” I thought, but my trainer encouraged me to keep pondering this.
On closer examination, it seemed Carleton and I were both cautious, and I was always looking for perfection. Like an overprotective parent, I shielded him from mistakes, making his world as orderly as possible. He became more and more tentative and fearful of unfamiliar events.
My trainer said that if I rode through tough situations, my horse would learn how to handle himself, and so would I. When I did alter my approach, we both grew in confidence, knowing we could handle a variety of situations. The really great part was how I was able to implement this lesson in my nonhorsey life. It allowed me to experiment more, to get out of my own way when it came to learning. This experience proved for me the old Arab proverb “the horse is your mirror.”
Issues have a nasty way of following riders to the barn. Just as an artist reveals part of himself in his work, your relationship with your horse says a lot about you. Anger management, passivity, avoidance, uncertainty - these and other traits will show up in your horsemanship. Of course, as effective as the equine mirror can be, you must first be willing to look.
I’m OK, You’re OK
This classic self-help book title might better be rephrased by the horse to read “I’m OK, You’re OK, Unless You Are Trying To Kill Me.” Thank you, Mr. Horse - we forgot you were a prey animal. But when not fighting or fleeing, horses are accepting and gracious companions, and they can point us in the right direction while remaining neutral and supportive.
Horses have a unique comforting presence - a way of accepting people for who they are. In therapy circles, this concept is referred to as “unconditional positive regard” and thought to be crucial to therapeutic success. A person has to feel accepted to work through tough issues. Horses naturally provide this, and when combined with traditional therapy it’s a winning team. Referred to as EAP, or equine assisted psychotherapy, this method is taking the horse experience to the nonhorsey set.
EAP is one of the newer nontraditional therapies. It involves clients being directed to interact and complete exercises with horses. Depicted in the movie 28 Days, an addict in rehab, played by Sandra Bullock, is directed to gain the cooperation of a disinterested equine and convince him to lift his foot. Her repeated struggles with this EAP exercise reveal an aspect of her personality that needs a little work. She has difficulty asking for help from others. Only when she “gets it” is she successful both with the horse and with kicking her addiction.
EAP is often used with adolescents, as horses seem to facilitate a much needed bridge between patient and therapist. A lot of troubled teens have never had the experience of feeling loved or competent. Horses prompt these feelings in teens because animals don’t judge or discriminate. And of course there is nothing like the feeling of working successfully with such a powerful creature. When these kids work something out with a horse, they often feel their own power for the very first time.
Lynn Thomas and Greg Kersten, founders of the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association (www.eagala.org; 877-858-4600), a nonprofit organization to promote EAP, have more than a few favorite stories about horses helping people. One involves a teenager who had suffered numerous setbacks on his road to being drug free. At one point in his therapy he seemed drawn to a particular horse that had never accepted being tied. He was determined it could be done. “he did this by starting with the basics and going one step at a time,” Lynn says. “He first taught the horse to ground tie, just laying the lead line on the ground. He worked many days on laying the lead line on the ground. He worked many days on this. The horse stood still and would only turn around to keep his eyes on the boy. Then the boy moved to placing the line over a hitching post without tying it. He eventually tied it, leaving enough slack so the horse could easily turn his head and watch. The relationship and struggle with the horse made a huge impact on this adolescent. Not only did the horse learn to tie, the boy learned the basics of respectful relationships, trust and taking things one step at a time. He’s now in his 20s and has managed to stay sober since his treatment with this horse.”
The Best Feedback
You can certainly count on a horse to tell it like it is. Those of the equine persuasion are not bogged down by the niceties of human convention. They don’t worry about hurting your feelings, or lie awake at night pondering just the right way to break the hard truth.
People, however, don’t always do this. For example, a person with poor boundaries may not tell you to back off when you intrude. A horse, on the other hand, cannot help but let you know. He is, after all, hardwired for survival and if you get in the way - watch out.
Effective feedback is an essential element of the learning process. Nonverbal feedback, the type horses offer us, may be the most reliable. Consider a scowling person with crossed arms who says, “I’m not made at you.” The nonverbal cues are a much more accurate indication of how to read this person’s message. Horses naturally watch and respond to nonverbal communication.
Consistent nonverbal feedback can have quite an impact. Bev, an amateur rider, heard her horse’s message coming through loud and clear. “I had been leasing a lovely older Arabian, Rollie, for more than a year. At first Rollie dutifully did what she was trained for, but then, she gradually learned that I was passive, and I would let her get away with a lot (thinking I was being kind!). She pushed her desires over my directions more and more. A trail ride we used to enjoy together was suddenly full of imagined hazards, and she would balk, escape or run against my directions back to the barn. She was in control! I finally realized I had to step out of my comfort zone and become a firm leader.”
Bev knew she needed to work on her assertiveness skills, but it was her horse’s gradual assumption of control that knocked the issue home. “I looked at her, and then I looked at the people around me, and I couldn’t believe all of them were sending me the same message.”
When we relate to horses, we are using our whole selves to communicate. As a result, how we are perceived by our horses tends to be quickly apparent. These trial-by-fire tests tell us what we need to change - in a swift and direct manner. Horses will not hesitate to challenge us if what we’re doing isn’t clear to them. Through their actions they will tell us, “I don’t understand, try something different.”
Role Model Horses
Horses are unfailingly honest. People? I’ll let you draw your own inferences. You always get the straight goods from horses, because they don’t know any other way. As a result they respond honestly and directly to how they are approached. The skills of effective communication are the same, whether you are relating to person or equine. The nature of interacting with the horse forces you to start considering and altering your behavior to meet your goal. You have to become self-aware.
Arianna, a first-time EAP participant, learned this lesson well. She repeatedly tried to get a horse to do what she wanted by being nice. It didn’t work. Eventually, she was forced to consider another way. “I found the way I interacted with the horse very much reflected the way I interact with people. I don’t like displeasing people or getting in their way. I found I did need to be more assertive in getting them (horses and people) to do what I wanted or no progress would be made. I learned that while being nice is nice, it is not the way to get things done!” Horses don’t get what they want by being nice either. They get it by being clear, honest and assertive. All great qualities for us to consider developing more of, don’t you think?
And….horses show us respect - they look, they listen. They attend closely to us because they have to; their survival depends on it. Too bad we don’t think of respect as more important to our own survival. Whether you are a recreational, competitive or casual rider, even a nonhorsey person, the horse has something to tell you - about you. We would all do well to strive to be more horselike, whether we spend our days in their company or not.
April Clay is a psychologist, EAP practitioner, and former competitive rider residing in Canada. She is the author of Training From the Neck Up: A Practical Guide to Sport Psychology for Riders. Contact information: www.bodymindmotion.com; April Clay, M. Ed., Chartered Psychologist; phone: 403-714-2529; e-mail: april@bodymindmotion.com
